Top Ten Weight Loss Methods; THAT SUCK!

First lets clear up what most of these weight loss methods have in common; they all use the same lie to sell their diets (which has given the word ‘diet’ a bad name). Their lie is hidden and we are blinded by their use of the words “weight loss”. Their deception and our ignorance go hand-in-hand for this to work.

Most of these weight loss methods actually do help you to lose weight, but that’s not what you want.

What you want is fat loss not weight loss!

Weight loss can occur in many ways; losing muscle, losing body fluid, losing your marbles, etc.

Fat Loss is fat loss

So don’t be fooled by their use of the words ‘weight loss’.

Most of these weight loss methods set us up to fail, they take us into an unnatural way of eating, or speak to the lazy bugger inside of us and say, “No exercise needed!” and we like to hear that.

So let’s look at the top ten weight loss methods for morns;

10. Coming in at number ten is Weight Watchers; which is easy for those of us with a mathematician brain and confusing for the rest of us that can only count to twenty if we are wearing sandals. The amount of people that stay on this and lose the fat are the very disciplined few; the counting calories and daily totaling of the points system can send some of us around the bend and into the nearest Pizza Hut. To poke a hole in their point system you could eat junk food and still have the points add up. Weight Watchers causes you to eat too little and that’s also another reason people find it hard to stick at.

How to avoid it: be dumb at mathematics.

9. Striking in at number nine is the South Beach Diet; this is a shame, because the South Beach diet has all the things a great food program should have; it helps you stay satisfied throughout the day, you build muscle, you have a bit of freedom, but no exercise plan!? Eating right is half right, you need to have regular exercise to kick-start your metabolism to fire up fat burning.

How to avoid it: If you are on this diet then that’s fine (you’re not a moron) but just get your butt off the beach and go swimming!

8. Eating it at number eight is the Zone Diet, ok so it’s based on combining; carbs, proteins & fats. Every time you eat you must have 40% carbs, 30% protein & 30% fats. So cased in the Zone Diet is what dieticians have been saying for centuries, and it’s out of date. Some times putting together this 40-30-30 combo can come up with strange results; you want to enjoy that ice cold beer? Go ahead, but have some cottage cheese and some olives with it (Zinczenko, 2004).

How to avoid it: If you can’t balance your cheque book then stay a way from this diet.

7. Slipping in at number seven is the Scarsdale Diet, frankly a load of crap if you ask me! The Scarsdale diet is a rapid weight loss diet, there’s that word again “weight loss” ::hint, hint, nudge, nudge:: It boasts of being able to help you lose up to 20lbs (about 9kg) in only 2 weeks! Rapid weight loss like this is very dangerous and you’ll get scared (ha ha, boom boom, maybe that’s how it got its name) because when you stop or stray from this diet ten ton Tessie will become King Kong!

How to avoid it: being patient; know that rapid weight loss is dangerous and you’ll end up putting more weight on.

6. Scoring a six in our countdown is the Chicken Soup Diet, now please you are a professional plonker if you attempt this diet; at least I was when I tried it. So what you do is have a hardy breakfast and then go cuckoo slurping on chicken soup for the rest of the day. Look, if you single out one type of food and that’s all you eat then of course you’ll lose weight (theirs those words again, remember what they mean!). Now come on, how long do you think you’ll be able to last eating flipping chicken soup everyday? And when you get bored (and you will) you’ll binge ::muahahahahaha!!:: and the fat will come rolling back (with interest).

How to avoid it: hate the chicken soup, down with the chicken soup, grill that bird mate!

5. Falling flat at number five is the Atkins Diet, which is thankfully disappearing like a bad fashion trend. Atkins gave carbohydrates a bad rap and robbed the people that followed it of vital vitamins from fruit and vegetables (that can protect us against cancer). There are also concerns that long-term dieting with the Atkins Diet could cause heart problems and high cholesterol. But the thing that I have found about the Atkins Diet is that it takes out so many types of food that are very good for you. The selection that you’re left with will eventually bore you, and once off; BOOM!

Carbohydrates; there are good carbs and bad carbs Atkins doesn’t distinguish between the two and just rules out the carbs. On a healthy diet you need the good carbs (found in fruit and vegetables) to help you lose fat.

How to avoid it: don’t follow an old trend.

4. Busting in at number four is the Lemonade Diet, if you like solids then this diet is not for you. If you do decide to follow this diet then please reframe from operating heavy machinery, driving, walking, basically stay out of the public eye because there is a high chance that you will have diarrhea and you will be dizzy and could faint.

How to avoid it: grow a brain

3. Stomping in at number three is the Slim Fast diet, slim F-A-S-T also rapid weight loss. If the weight loss is too fast then chances are your not going to be giving your body proper nutrition and that means weight loss ::pause, tumble weed rolls by:: and we know what that means folks! Now something amazing will happen to you when you come off this diet, you’ll be come a star… yep when you step on those scales again that needle will shoot to the right and then up-up and away!

How to avoid it: seek slow and permanent weight loss. And if you want a strawberry milk shake then dust your blender off and stick in some fresh strawberries, add some low fat milk, chuck in some ice and some peanut butter if you like and set that bad boy on super whiz! There you have it a delicious strawberry milk shake, who needs Slim Fast!

2. Tanking in at number two is Pill Diets, now you need to be careful at what you shove into those two flaps of skin between your nose and chin. There are some wicked pills out there that advertise; rapid weight loss, rapid muscle growth, burn fat while you sleep, etc, etc. They say they are scientifically designed but some of them have enough caffeine to send you to the moon. Folks this rapid weight loss ::pause:: wont work, when you come of the pill you’ll get pregnant, err I mean you’ll put on weight, same thing right; anyway you’ll start spreading again.

How to avoid it: Say “NO” to drugs!

1. The titanic diet fad of all time is the Water Diet, drinking as much water that you can until you are bloated and have a false sense of been full; you will also prove very useful as a life raft. If you go on this diet your body will start to eat away at your muscles and you will be come very weak and then maybe fall into the big vat of water that you’re drinking from and drown!

How to avoid it: try not being a moron!

Ok I know that all people that come to Discipline or Regret are not morons and I have used that word a few times throughout this post, I wasn’t talking about you. But if you are a self-confessed moron then click here now.

Disclaimer: Don’t try any of these diets you’ll only hurt yourself! Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

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6 Responses

  1. I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you.

    Matt Hanson

  2. Hi Andrew,
    Love this article. One question though, in #10 the last sentence
    “Weight Watchers is not a weight loss diet, it is a fat loss diet.”

    Shouldn’t that be “it’s a weight loss diet not a fat loss diet”?
    Any diet that cuts calories will cause weight loss. Only problem is at least 50% of the weight loss will come from muscle and water. Not what you want to lose.

    You’re doing something that most “dieters” don’t do. That’s educating yourself.
    Keep up the good work.
    Coach Gary Talley

  3. Hi Matt, thanks for the encouragement it is much appreciated!

    Come back soon!

    Take care and have a nice day!
    Andrew

  4. Hi Gary, I am glad you like the article, I too enjoyed writing it. Too many people (including myself) spend years fooling them selfs looking for that shortcut to fat loss and never find it.

    I hope that it helps at least one person ‘get the message’ then it was worth it.

    Thanks for spotting my er for #10, I appreciate it! I have now edited that last sentence.

    Thanks for the encouragement Gary!

    Take care,
    Andrew

  5. Great article Andrew, I really like your writing style.

  6. Matt keep up the great work! Looking good my friend!

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